And if you’d like to follow me…

Hello beautiful people!

It’s been a long, LONG time I know. A lot has happened, a lot has changed, and suddenly we are into a new year. New year, new me, blah blah blah right? Except this time it actually is!

I am currently sat at a writer’s retreat in a rural part of France. I have just entered into a whole new part of my life, and quite honestly I am so bloody excited! I am here for six weeks to write, read, and figure out what the hell I’m doing.

I’m sure I’ll be sharing my discoveries with you every now and again (I hope).

I hope you are all well, I hope the New Year brings with it only the finest and most beautiful of things, and I hope to see you as we contiue our journeys, wherever they may lead!

Love and light,

H. x

P.S. I have just come across Kahlil Gibran’s work: The Madman. I can’t recommend it enough, the link for it is here:


I’ll leave you with one of the first that I read:




My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I wear — a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from my negligence.
The “I” in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.
I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do — for my words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in action.
When thou sayest, “The wind bloweth eastward,” I say, “Aye, it doth blow eastward”; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the wind but upon the sea.
Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee understand. I would be at sea alone.
When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor see my wings beating against the stars — and I fain would not have thee hear or see. I would be with night alone.
When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell — even then thou callest to me across the unbridgeable gulf, “My companion, my comrade,” and I call back to thee, “My comrade, my companion” — for I would not have thee see my Hell. The flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.
Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.
My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect — and I, too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my madness. I would be mad alone.
My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.


One good thought: You are not your past

Hi beautiful readers, it has been a while! I didn’t want to start this post with an explanation or a promise of getting back onto the blogging track or an excuse for why I fell off it. To be honest I just didn’t want to bore you! All I do want to say is this; I think one of the most beautiful parts about being human is our ability and tendancy to change, constantly, and often without warning. And so it’s no surprise that our blogs will of course change too, shift in their focus and content, frequency and meaning. The purpose of this blog is still the same, a place of positivity, something I hope can spread good thoughts and can perhaps help people in some way. It’s changed from one good thought a day (hence the change to the tagline ‘Good Thoughts Bank’) but that purpose is still there and is completely interlinked with my own journey in this crazy world, my own realisations as I make them, my own ups along with my downs.

And today’s post couldn’t demonstrate this more! It’s a simple good thought, but it comes from my recent eureka moment that sent barrels of hope and understanding my way.


Whatever has happened, whatever you may have been through, whoever the people are that constantly remind you of things you may have gone through, you are not your past. I’ll be the first to admit that I have often defined myself through my past. I hold the things that have happened to me up so the world can see. I don’t know if it’s because I want sympathy, or whether it’s because I feel this person I am is simply so inadequete that telling the story of my past becomes an escape. It becomes an explanation for the flaws I see in myself, a warning label. I blame and hold grudges incredibly strongly, and find it so very hard to let go of them, to forgive, to move on. Trust me, have an argument with me and I’ll be bringing back things you did before you could even walk!

A few nights ago I finally admitted all of this to myself. I sat down and really thought about, speaking out loud and making it real. Within minutes I was in fits of laughter at how stupid it all was, at how stupid was. The confessions continued (which I shall of course be sharing with you in my next post), and suddenly thoughts began tumbling in my mind of my many flaws, but also my many strengths too. Amidst all those thoughts came my own words that I have written in this blog so many times, that the two things that we need in this world the most is self-belief and perspective. And of course that’s exactly it. We need the self-belief to realise that we have so many more strengths than flaws and we don’t need to excuse ourselves to anybody. And we need the perspective to realise that we are not our past, we are so much more than it.

The best way to do anything in this life is just that, do it. It’s why I think actions always speak louder than words or intentions. What matters is what you do, what matters is the person you are, and how you show it, what matters is if you’ll let your past define you, or instead drive you to create your own future. Each day is a new chance to start all over again. Carpe diem as they say! And I don’t mean going out and achieving the impossible. I mean simply deciding to wake up happy, going through your day positively, and letting your head fall back on the pillow with the knowledge that it was a day spent well.

All of this led me to write my first typewriter poetry piece, something I had been meaning to do for a while but I just couldn’t find the words. I hope you enjoy it!

It feels so good to be writing again! Here’s hoping I’ll see you very soon 🙂

H ❤


One good thought: Hang in there

I thought I had managed to pull myself out of the dark place I’d gone to, but unfortunately it isn’t the case. Which means once again, I’m going to have to take a break from writing on this fast disintegrating blog. I am so sorry my beautiful readers.

I am lost. I am incredibly and desperately lost in this big bad world. I know this world isn’t bad, I do. But right now this beautiful universe wants me to travel against the wind and there is nothing I can do but let it carry me to where I need to be right now. I am so unbelievably ready for big changes in my life, for a life of wandering and moving from one place to the next, without a plan or direction, just setting off with the sole aim of seeing as much of this beautiful planet as I can. Of meeting people, as many people as will meet with me. And helping. I don’t know how but I feel I have so much to give, and I want to spend my life giving it. It’s that first step, it’s always that first step that is the hardest. I don’t know how to begin, and I don’t know how to tell the people I love that I am not the person they think I am because I know when I do I will hurt them immensely. I just don’t know how to start again.

‘Time waits for no man’. A long time ago I wrote of how much I love this quote. Right now time is my best friend, because I know that it will keep moving, and we just have to keep moving with it because it won’t care if we’ve tripped and are waiting for someone to come and pick us up. Our problems today, that seem as vast as the ocean, will be nothing more than puddles in our eyes tomorrow. So my good thought today is this; hang in there, and just keep going. For anyone going through anything, you aren’t alone. That I feel is the biggest comfort sometimes, knowing you aren’t alone, knowing there are strangers on the other side of computer screens who feel what you feel. And who will one day jump in those puddles with you and laugh at the fact they aren’t so deep after all.

I paused for a second to check a message and it’s a quote from my best friend, who somehow always manages to say the exact right thing when it needs to be said. It sent shivers down my spine and I obviously had no choice but to share it with all of you.

‘One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star’


I love you all incredibly much and I hope I’ll see you very soon

H ❤

One good thought: Less is more

So currently one of the biggest issues I currently have is finding a job. Surprise, surprise, nothing has changed and I’m still gloriously unemployed (wahay!) It’s proving a long and difficult road that has its fair share of ups, downs, crazily difficult decisions and very real self-reflection avenues. For a long time I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. Well, that’s a lie. I wanted to be an actor for a long time, and actually still do. But it’s something that I still don’t know if I’m good at, seeing I’ve never been in a play, a production, or even very many public speaking instances. There have been some, it’s true. But that was before when I shook harder than a leaf during a tornado. Now I feel like I’m more confident and maybe, just maybe, I might actually be good at it. That’s why hopefully in 2015 I shall finally get myself on an acting class and answer that question once and for all!

What I do think I would be good at though is still following a career within TV and film, but focussing on the production side of things. For someone who has no relevant experience in that area though, writing a good CV and covering letter is pretty much the hardest thing ever. There are roles that are coming up that I feel I am absolutely perfect for, positions I would really do well in and manage to find my element and wow the world (if that doesn’t sound too egoistical!). But I have applied to so many similar positions and have had no luck at all, each time being met with the same response: ‘The employers were impressed by your CV but have decided to choose other candidates who were more suitable in terms of relevant work experience.’ Perhaps it is because I don’t have the relevant work experience. Or maybe it’s actually because I’m not showing that I have, and can apply, those same skills all those other candidates gained in that relevant work experience, even though I got them in different ways. And THAT’S what makes a good CV.

Looking over both my CV and cover letters, I realise my biggest problem is that I waffle on WAY too much. Come to think of it I feel the same thing can be applied to this blog! It’s funny though because in person I find it very difficult to find much to say at all. Ah the irony. I feel that everything currently on my CV is important, I feel that every sentence in my cover letter has to stay in, I feel that saying just the basics isn’t enough, it has to be elaborated. Wow, just writing this is making me realise I am doing the EXACT same thing right now, writing three long-ass paragraphs in order to just get to one simple point: LESS IS MORE.

Of course this isn’t always true. In the case of pizza, more is the only response to the question ‘Are you finished?’ But sometimes it is true, and I feel in my case, that’s probably more often than not. I’m constantly finding myself writing out huge paragraphs to people’s questions in a text when a few words would have done. And then suddenly we’re having an essay marathon and soon someone doesn’t have time to reply and the conversation just stops and sits there forgotten. In my creative writing too, there are so many instances where I get lost in my own long and winding sentences. The more I think about this the more I need to ask myself why this is the case. And I feel like perhaps there is a reason, although how legitimate it is you can be the judge of!

I feel that I have a very strong urge to make a reader see exactly what I am seeing, in my head, as I write. Or perhaps I need to convince them to agree with the point I am making. So I begin to describe a lot, or reinforce an argument by providing a whole load of examples. Just as I’m writing this at this moment I’m beginning to see a massive flaw in this. Of course you can’t make others see exactly what you see! That’s where the magic lies, because when it comes to creative writing so much of the beauty of it lies in the reader’s ability to take a writer’s words and make them their own, make them personal. The writer transports you into their world yes, the world they dream up in their minds and that we are guests within. But I feel that no reader can be objective, our experiences bring extra nuances to those words, and allow us to gain a truly personal experience, especially when those words relate so strongly to similar experiences we ourselves have had.

(There is another reason why I feel I write this way, but it’s something that I feel perhaps would be better talked about in a post on its own. So I’ll just put a pin in that.)

I don’t think much of what I have written really applies to a CV or cover letter because in that instance I very much do want the employer to see what I see: that I’m amazing and you bloody well better pick me! But it still stands: less is more. You need to be concise, logical, and clear, something I’m finding difficult to do and which isn’t doing me any favours especially as media is such a competitive industry to get into.

Less offers mystery in writing. It promotes self-constraint and appreciation when it comes to food (apart from pizza of course 😉 ). Holding onto the possessions you well and truly need and love also means fewer worries and stresses. Having a few close friends means more than befriending as many people as you can (and there’s a hell of a lot less drama too!) And living a simple life, combining all of this together, I truly believe can lead a type of happiness that you’ll never be able to find in any store or Facebook friend request. Unless it’s Dan from Bastille. That would keep me going for a few days. Or decades.

If anyone does have any advice on media CVs/cover letters/working in TV and film production, it would be SO appreciated! And if I do get this job on the basis of said advice I swear on the internet fairies I shall buy you a pizza. Even if you live on the other side of the world, I SHALL BUY YOU A PIZZA!

Lots o’ love ♥

How stupid can you be?

Honestly. How stupid can you be? In September circumstances suddenly decided to turn ugly and I found myself in a very dark place both mentally and physically. It was something I had felt coming for a while, evidenced by my late posts and the increasing difficulty I was having to find something to say. I sat down and wrote a piece explaining all of this and stating that I would need a little break, that I was so sorry that I was breaking my promise, and that this was something that I have been suffering with for a while, these periodic moments where my mind didn’t seem to want to work, and that the obstacles were proving too difficult to navigate. But that hopefully with time they’ll become even more infrequent, and this blog had done amazing things to keep it at bay, for a little while at least.


I am so sorry my beautiful readers! I am definitely back again, although it did take a lot longer than I thought to pull myself back up and face writing these posts. There are times that I feel hypocritical because I write about things, about ways to act, as if I follow them myself at all times. Of course, I try as hard as I can. But times like these make it difficult for me to believe that I really have a right to go around preaching about things when I can’t follow them all the time. But of course that’s a stupid way to look at things. Because we’re human. The lows are just as important as the highs, because they not only help us to appreciate those highs, they make us so much more aware of who the important people are in our lives, and which ones will stick around when you’re calling up at 4am in the morning wanting to rave about all things ugly. Sometimes the source isn’t as important as the actual content (don’t kill me, every history teacher that’s ever lived).

One thing that I will say about writing a blog such as this is that perhaps I set myself a target that is beyond myself right now. To read one good thought a day is what we all need. But to write it, especially when it does take you, more often than not, a full hour to do, perhaps I’m not ready for that just yet. Also, coming out from this, I feel like I’ve managed to cross another road block. Every single blog that I have written (and there have been a few), has been anonymous. This was partly to protect the people I love, and to protect myself too it’s true, but it also has a lot to do with the confidence and security anonymity gives. And that’s not just for the writer, but also the reader too. It’s a well known psychological fact that we often find more comfort and trust in a stranger than someone who we’ve known for years. That’s why I never put a photo or a name up. Because I know how true that is.

But I do feel that I am ready to start writing under my own name and sharing it with the people I know and often think about when I write. Sooooooooo, I’ve decided that in a few weeks I’ll be setting up a new blog which I’ll share on sites like Facebook and Instagram. I’ll be posting each piece on both this blog and my non-anonymous blog too so if you don’t want to know who this quite weird person is then this blog will still be right here, hopefully without any more two month hiatuses!

I’m aiming to post once a week now, maybe twice depending on how interesting my life has been! I know it’s a massive step down from every single day but I am hoping that this means that the posts will be a bit more refined and, quite frankly, better than the stuff I’ve written previously!

So yes, this is the story. This is the news. And this is the big fat apology from the eejit who can’t use WordPress.

There is one good thought that I of course will leave you with this week, and it comes from one of the most amazing books I have read, ‘A Field Guide To Getting Lost’ by Rebecca Solnit. It comes within the context of the story she tells of white American settlers, often young children, who were taken by Indians as a replacement for family members that they had lost. She writes of numerous instances where these individuals who were taken completely forget their previous identity, taking on the new one they are given.

‘The people thrown into other cultures go through something of the anguish of the butterfly, whose body must disintegrate and reform more than once in its life cycle. In her novel Regeneration, Pat Barker writes of a doctor who “knew only too well how often the early stages of change or cure may mimic deterioration. Cut a chrysalis open, and you will find a rotting caterpillar. What you will never find is that mythical creature, half caterpillar, half butterfly, a fit emblem of the human soul, for those whose cast of mind leads them to seek such emblems. No, the process of transformation consists almost entirely of decay.” But the butterfly is so fit an emblem of the human soul that its name in Greek is psyche, the word for soul. We have not much language to appreciate this phase of decay, this withdrawal, this era of ending that must precede beginning. Nor of the violence of the metamorphosis, which is often spoken of as though it were as graceful as a flower blooming…’

Until next week beautiful readers! ❤

One good thought: If a tree could wander

Today’s (late) good thought comes once again from Rumi. It’s a poem of his that I have only just discovered but my god what a poem it is! It’s times like these that I am so itching to travel, itching to just leave with nothing but a backpack and a compass to guide me. I feel like something within me has been growing for a long, long time now. I feel like there’s something I need to do, something intertwined with travel and self-discovery. I feel like right now I’m suspended, I haven’t a clue where I’m floating towards, I’m just hanging in there. And although that weightless feeling has been so amazing, I feel like it’s time to grab the reins and steer myself somewhere real, somewhere concrete. Does any of this make sense to anyone? Perhaps other people feel the same way too, the desire to wanderlust, to just get up and go. Maybe we need to combine it, maybe we need to join together and make that desire a reality.

Anybody with me? 😉


If a tree could wander

Oh, if a tree could wander

     and move with foot and wings!

It would not suffer the axe blows

     and not the pain of saws!

For would the sun not wander

     away in every night ?

How could at ev’ry morning

     the world be lighted up?

And if the ocean’s water

     would not rise to the sky,

How would the plants be quickened

     by streams and gentle rain?

The drop that left its homeland,

     the sea, and then returned ?

It found an oyster waiting

     and grew into a pearl.

Did Yusaf not leave his father,

     in grief and tears and despair?

Did he not, by such a journey,

     gain kingdom and fortune wide?

Did not the Prophet travel

     to far Medina, friend?

And there he found a new kingdom

     and ruled a hundred lands.

You lack a foot to travel?

     Then journey into yourself!

And like a mine of rubies

     receive the sunbeams? print!

Out of yourself ? such a journey

     will lead you to your self,

It leads to transformation

     of dust into pure gold!


See you in a few hours my fellow wanderers ♥

One good thought: Entry to heaven

“You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death. When their souls got to the entrance to heaven, the guards asked two questions. Their answers determined whether they were able to enter or not.

‘Have you found joy in your life?’

‘Has your life brought joy to others?”

I think anyone who analyses this belief will pick up on a very distinct point; the ease with which we can answer the first question, and the long pause that would appear before we answer the second. Hopefully the majority of us can say yes to the first, but it’s the second one that we’d need to think about a bit more. And yet how important it is, and how much is it needed especially within this world. We forget sometimes just how social an animal we really are. Especially in the West, when everything focusses on the success of the individual, where often community values are written off as unreachable ideals, where it’s all about survival of the fittest, we forget just how much we need each other.

Yes, all of this is true of course. But I feel that it takes away from just as important a point, one The Bucket List manages to illustrate so well. The importance of the first question, and the desperate need that we can honestly answer ‘yes’. I mean imagine that, imagine that one of the requirements of getting into heaven is dependent on whether or not you found joy, whether or not you were happy. For someone who was brought up within a very religious home, I have to be honest in saying that this is quite frankly, a teeny weeny bit weird. So often in religion the need for self-sacrifice is emphasised and holds the way upon which we can enter heaven. Of course I’m not saying anything against religion in general and I honestly feel that it holds the potential to make humans better if they find guidance within it. But every religion has rules and I speak from personal experience when I say that often those rules lead to sacrifices, lead to changes in behaviour, and sometimes it gets a bit hard when those sacrifices fall in the way of achieving something that would make us happy.

Away from religion though, I feel that it’s a universal issue. How many of us can really say that we are truly happy with the way our lives are, and with the things we do on a daily basis? Often we forget about how we feel, we get caught up in the routines and the schedules, and time seems to skip and dance ahead of us without a thought of how much we still needed and wanted to do. Of course some people are happy, and I look at those people with so much joy and admiration that they’ve managed to create a life that they are fulfilled with. And I so hope that you are one of those 🙂 But if there are changes that you want to make, if there are things that you want to do that you haven’t quite got around to doing yet, then I hope that you manage to make them a reality. We deserve that and we owe it to ourselves to make sure that it happens, to make sure we are happy and that we find the joy in our lives. Because in this world there won’t be many people who will do it for us.

I think the Egyptians were really onto something with these two questions, because not only is the ability to answer yes to both of them important, they are inextricably linked. The only way to be able to answer yes to both is by searching for and achieving both at the same time. And I think that’s exactly what The Bucket List showed. By searching for happines within the last few months of their lives, Carter and Edward managed to bring happiness to each other. And all of that managed to create a beautiful ripple effect that echoed down to all the people in their lives. Because of course, we are all connected, we are all dependent on each other, no matter how much some of us may think otherwise, and we all need each other on this journey that we take together. Aaaand the circle is complete 🙂

“My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home”

See you tomorrow pretty people! ♥

One good thought: Writer’s block and nostalgic moments

So today I’ve managed to sit in front of my computer from 11pm just thinking and thinking and thinking. What is my good thought today? I literally have no idea. I’ve written drafts out and immediately deleted them. I’ve looked for poems, quotes, stories, interesting links. I’ve racked my brain trying to remember a funny movie scene or inspirational video that I’ve come across before. And nothing. And then I look at the clock and see that it’s already past midnight. Great. So I’ve missed my good thought for the 7th September 2014 and it’s not because I’m too busy or things are too hectic. It’s simply because I don’t know what it is! So now I’m sat here thinking of a way to turn my writer’s block into an inspirational double meaning and all I can think of is how much I’m currently craving an Oreo ice cream and how I can’t wait for next week’s episode of The Great British Bake Off. I’m also thinking of how great it is that Jeff and Tamzin finally got together in yesterday’s Casualty episode, and how I really don’t want Charlie to leave. Now I’m thinking of how sad Stepmom the movie was today and how I cried way more than I should have. And now I’m thinking of how much I love Morgan Freeman and how great the movie The Bucket List is that I just finished watching.

And now I’m thinking that I watch WAY too much TV, especially for someone who has a massive wedding coming up in less than a week. Yup, my sister is getting married in less than a week. LESS THAN A FRICKIN WEEK!!! HOW has time gone so quick?!! It’s nice to have a lazy day though, it’s nice to have a day when you can sit back and watch TV, even if actually you did spend a lot of that time scraping parrot poo off the cage. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (and again and again and again if I keep getting writer’s block), it’s the normal days, the boring days, that are the ones we remember the most I think. The ones where everything is beautifully mediocre. Nothing to report. No emotional upheavals, no bad news or good news, no arguments, no responsibilities and deadlines. Those days growing up when you could wake up and lounge around in your pyjamas all day, watching TV, eating, playing, eating, playing, eating. Ah I miss those days so much. And now we get to settle for a day or two of Netflix binges and pizza overloads and it’s back to the same routine again.

Oh. My. God. I am actually embarassed of how bad this post is getting. I thought there was potential for redemption there but every time I write a sentence I feel like throwing up from all ze cheesiness. It’s just not there today folks! I want to apologise for this post being SUCH a big fail. Perhaps I can make it up to you by leaving you with this. Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, and Michael Fassbender (who is currently doing a whole load of crazy things for me *starts to sweat profusely*) dancing. Need I say more?

See you in a few hours peeps! ♥

One good thought: Small world

I absolutely love this clip from one of my favourite movies, Coraline. If you haven’t watched it yet I can’t reccommend it enough! I won’t even tell you anything about it, you just have to discover it for yourself 🙂

‘How can you walk away from something and still come back to it?’

‘Walk around the world.’

‘Small world’

I’ve actually only just found out that the movie was based on a novel so I think I’ll get onto reading that as soon as I’ve bought myself a copy! If anyone else has read it I’d love to hear what you thought about it, and the movie! Meanwhile I shall leave you with these two quotes from Neil Gaiman which I think are in the book 🙂


See you tomorrow pretty people! ♥

One good thought: Rock bottom

Rock bottom is always five floors lower than you think it actually is. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing really. Or perhaps it’s more of a comfort than anything else. I hate when people say, ‘It could be worse’. I feel it’s only right to meet that with a hearty ‘screw you’. Instead I think what I’m trying to say is when you think you’ve reached rock bottom, you’ve accepted the fact you’re living in a house without a basement. There’s no room for manoeuvre, there’s no extra space. Imagine that the moment you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve reached rock bottom you suddenly move house. And this time there’s a basement. This time there’s a chance to go deeper. Only you’ve moved into Bruce Wayne’s mansion and that basement is five floors deep. So now you’ve got to get down there, and the lift just ain’t working yet. Which means either you have to jump (which I wouldn’t really recommend), or you gotta tie yourself with a rope and climb down there yourself. Sounds like a lot of effort, right? And all that time you’re thinking of what to do there’s another option just sitting there staring at you. How about you don’t get to rock bottom just yet? How about instead you explore the mansion? How about you decide that rock bottom isn’t worth missing out on living life?

Convince yourself that you’re not at rock bottom, convince yourself that there’s still a fight within you, convince yourself that it’s not time to give up just yet. Head up, champagne in hand, wipe your ass with a dollor note, and live it up billionare style. Doesn’t matter if it’s all in your head, life’s there to be enjoyed and your imagination is your best friend. 🙂


I want to apologise about the fact this post is late and came after midnight. It took me a little longer to realise I’m not at rock bottom just yet.

I’ll see you in a few hours pretty people ♥